Growing up is hard.

I finally received again and picked up a call from Dubai on March, 26th. The lady on the phone was really nice, congratulated me and all that formal talking came after. I think they are kind of in need of the cabin crew right now, that's the cause of the recruitment days being held quite often lately all around the world. Although I put June as the earliest day of joining on the form, the lady asked me if it's possible for me to join in May. I said that, unfortunately, I couldn't, and she replied that actually that's not a problem and they would contact me again in 2-3 weeks with DOJ confirmation. It's been 2 weeks passing now, and I'm expecting getting some news soon.

I've been moving back and forth with this whole decision again... It's all because I want to have a baby so much, and I am very afraid of troubles in getting pregnant. Personally, I know 3 couples who are struggling to have a baby and not to mention all these couples I heard about from my friends, friends of their friends and relatives...
On the other hand, my husband is quite chary about the idea of having a baby soon. We'd wait another year or so, eventually. Me going to Dubai would postpone the "venture" for just a year, so that's not that log after all.
And the job thing. I am going to talk straight about my plans with my boss, and check out if my return to work would be possible after Big Emirates Adventure ends. I hope there would be no problems.. If there were, I would reconsider decision once more.

All of this vacillating led to intensifying my thoughts about how growing up sucks. It does, believe me. Now, as a "grown-up", with two college degrees, decent serious job, a husband and a family to-be-started, you have to think about and plan your future. And not just yours - of your family too. I realized that the part of me already got used to that fact, and deep down even enjoys it. However, the other part, this crazy and fun part of me, still wants to do stupid and crazy things, travel all over the world and not to think about the future very often - because it'll all work out, won't it? I still didn't find a balance between these two parts of myself :-( Is there any way of figuring that out?